Today I’m flashing back to all the years of Occupational Therapy Dane received to develop his motor planning and bilateral coordination skills. YEARS of therapy!!! In all those years they could never get him to write in a straight line (he always writes in a rainbow) or teach him to tie his shoes. (Thank God for slip-on Vans).
Dane now has a membership at 24 Hr Fitness & came home from the gym one day asking “Do boys ever meet a girlfriend at the gym?” My response: “yes I think some do.”
So the next day Dane went off to the gym and was gone for 2 hours. I have no idea what he did there but he came home happy as a clam, he showered, ate and went promptly to bed by 8:30. I must say this NEVER happens, Dane is usually up until 10:30 or so running his mouth on the phone or as he calls it “self talking”. He is always talking.
I really like this whole gym thing. Today he is going back to the gym and I told him to wear his sport shoes. He came in 10 minutes later and had his sport shoes on and tied. HE TIED HIS FUCKING SHOES. 12 years of OT & BOOM it’s all figured out. I pushed and pushed this kid with special needs because I was so scared of what might happen if he couldn’t do what everyone else was doing and I feel like I missed who he is. Accepting a kid with special needs is a lifetime daily process that is filled with devastation scattered with joy. I’ve learned there is a fine line between denial on whether he can or cannot do something and maybe sometimes - he just isn’t ready. Dane doesn’t care about needing to do something because everyone else can do it. He learns what he wants if and when he feels the need.
I believe this to be true for many kids on the spectrum, verbal and not. I believe they are not often given the opportunity to be embraced and seen for who they are and what they are capable of. We get too bogged down by what we are told they should do and can’t do - we lose sight of them as a person. I’m guilty of this. I was sucked into the vortex and it almost ruined him. He had quit talking and his answer for everything (for a year) was I don’t know or I can’t. This all changed when we left school and I took responsibility for my kid and who he is. Seeing what he was capable of day by day without the walls closing in on him. Day by day, he grew and grew and grasped more and more of the world around him. Today I had a sweet reminder about who he is!
He is a 20 year old shoe tying resilient young man who does things his way and in his time.